After stepping out of a hot shower, and wiping down my mirror- I was shocked to find a different woman sizing me up.
I forgot to take my mascara off, so it streaked the bags under my eyes and my chubby cheeks. My hair was slicked back from my shower, and it really accentuated the face that is too old despite it’s young age. I’d put on weight too. Where did my collar and hip bones go?! What once had been abs, was now soft. In 2014 I dropped from 150 lbs to 119 in two months. Then, I went from 119 to 187 in six months. As a result, my thighs and hips had been scarred with stretch marks.
The shock of realizing that this tired, chunky girl in front of me, was actually me, was upsetting. How could I let the body that I was so thankful for (and proud of), get like this? I started washing my streaky mascara off. Then it hit me.
I’ve completely changed my workout habits. I used to run five to six miles a day, and muck out twenty to fifty stalls daily. I used to lift weights and do fifty squats every time I brushed my teeth. I quit all that. And I only gained a maximum of 50 lbs. Not to mention, I’m not continuing to gain weight, I’m still constant. How badass is my body to be so merciful in a situation like this? I can still throw a couple of 50 lb bags of feed over my shoulder and walk off like it’s nothing. I can still take long walks and hike without much effort.
My face looks old because I’ve walked my way to hell and back. I lost both my grandparents and my dad within three years. I’ve worked outside in the elements without sunscreen, and without moisturizer, almost every day of my life. I’ve dealt with so much anxiety. I’ve been really brutal to my own self when it comes to my emotions and mental health. And yet, I’ve only got a few wrinkles to show for it.
The right clothes and a good concealer can fix both my problems right away. Not to mention, I now moisture daily, wear my sunscreen, and I’m going to get this weight off (one way or another!). My body has been an awesome tool. I’m not competing for the best body. I’m not a model. I am who I am, and I’m blessed. I don’t have any health problems, I haven’t been sick in probably two years, and I can physically do everything I want to do.
This isn’t meant to be a humble brag or anything of the sort. I know I can’t be the only person to go through these emotions, and feel this disappointment and embarassment. I want to encourage everyone who reads this (that means you!) to be thankful, and more kind to yourselves. Next time you look in the mirror, and you don’t like what you see, remember what you’ve been through. Be proud of your body, and be thankful for it. Not everyone gets to open their eyes in the morning. Not everyone gets to walk themselves to the bathroom, and go, without assistance. Be thankful. Feel humbled, and be kind to yourselves. ❤️
What’s your story, and what made you start appreciating your body? As always, thank you for reading!